


Knight Takes Rook

by lifeisinfinitelystranger



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Chess Game, M/M, Strip Chess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5249285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeisinfinitelystranger/pseuds/lifeisinfinitelystranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illya and Napoleon play chess. Napoleon needs to make it more interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knight Takes Rook

This took an embarrassing amount of time to finish and I kinda got tired of looking at it. So here, sorry.

* * *

 

The trio from U.N.C.L.E. had successfully completed yet another mission. To celebrate they went out on the town, Napoleon and Gaby attempting to drink the bars in Madrid dry. Before long they found themselves back in Illya's and Gaby's suite. The pair had once again played a married couple as their cover.  
  
Napoleon poured himself a drink from the minibar while Gaby cajoled Illya into dancing with her. She did her best to fight off sleep but it was no use. Illya scooped Gaby up, finishing the last song with her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. As the song faded out Illya carried Gaby into the bedroom to put her to bed.

Illya returned to the main room, shutting the bedroom door behind him. Napoleon sat himself on one of the armchairs and, having found Illya’s chess board, set up the board as if he meant to play. He stared at the worn down pieces while swirling his drink.  
  
“You play?” Illya asked. He collapsed into the chair across from Napoleon with a groan and closed his eyes.  
  
“I have been known to dabble. You want to have a go?”  
  
“You would not be much competition, Cowboy,” Illya replied, his Russian accent thicker with sleep.  
  
Napoleon smirked, almost as if he expected that response, “Then you wouldn’t object to making the game a little more interesting?”  
  
Illya opened one eye to look at him. Napoleon took that to mean ‘go on.’  
  
“I suggest a game of strip chess. For every piece you lose you also lose a piece of clothing.”  
  
Illya straightened up in his chair, “What makes you think-“  
  
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed the looks, Peril.” Napoleon downed his drink.  
  
While Illya mulled over the proposal Napoleon retrieved a bottle from the mini bar and a second glass. He filled the two glasses and offered one to his partner. Illya set the glass down next to the board without even taking a sip.  
  
 Napoleon took his seat across from the man, “You said I wasn’t competition enough. Are you scared you’re underestimating me and you’ll lose? Or are you scared you might like what you see?”  
  
Illya shifted in his seat but remained silent.  
  
Napoleon sighed dramatically, “Very well, if you don’t want to play-”  
  
“No.” Illya said louder than he intended to. He looked over his shoulder, to the room where Gaby slept. Soft snores coming from behind the closed door.  “No I will play. But Gaby…”  
  
“Is fast asleep, and with the amount she drank nothing will wake her until morning,” he looked at his watch, "Or afternoon. Even if she does wake, she is more than welcome to join.”  
  
“Chess is two player game.”  
  
“I’m sure she wouldn’t mind watching.” Napoleon chuckled.  
  
Illya eyed Napoleon, unsure of if the agent was still talking about chess. He took a sip of the drink Napoleon fixed for him, scotch. Why was it always scotch with this man? Illya set his glass down and then turned the chess board around 180 degrees, “You will be white. White goes first.”  
  
“Feeling confident are we? Though I suppose you would be with a 2401 Elo rating.” Napoleon seemed to give little thought to his first move. _Knight to C3._  
  
Illya cocked his head. What had he gotten himself into? One of the most common opening moves was pawn to E4, or one of the other central pawns. Control of the center of the board was important in the beginning of the game. That allowed one more freedom to move their pieces. But here was Napoleon moving one of his knights first. With one more calculating look at Napoleon, Illya made his move. _Pawn to C5._  
  
The next four moves followed in quick succession. _White knight to F3, black knight to C6, white pawn to D4,_ and almost as soon as Napoleon set his pawn down Illya moved his _pawn to D4._ Taking the first piece in the game.  
  
Illya sat back in his chair, eyes following Napoleon’s every move. The American wore one of his tailored suits, in a royal blue with matching waistcoat. He had quite a few options when it came to which piece of clothing to lose first.  
  
Illya was suddenly glad that Gaby had forced him to dress up when they went out. His dark grey suit was less flashy than Napoleon's. Nevertheless, the jacket and bowtie gave him more options should the need arise. Not that he expected to lose to Napoleon.  
  
“Ok,” Napoleon said, “Now before I take something off, let me do this…” He moved his _knight to D4,_ taking Illya’s pawn. “Now we have both lost our first piece and now the game really begins.”  
  
Illya waited until Napoleon made a move to take off his jacket. Napoleon folded his jacket and laid it on the arm of the couch. Illya shrugged off his jacket and tossed it onto the couch. Under his jacket Illya still wore his gun holster. Because why wouldn’t he be armed while out celebrating?

  
Napoleon poured himself another drink while he waited for Illya to make the next move.  
  
_Black knight to F6, white pawn to G3, black pawn to D5, white bishop to G5, black pawn to E5._ _T_ he middle of the chess board was getting awfully crowded, it was only a matter of time until someone lost another piece.  
  
_White knight to B5, black pawn to A6,_ until finally Napoleon moved his _knight to D5_ taking another one of Illya’s pawns.  
  
Illya stared hard at the board as he removed his left shoe. Eyes flicked from piece to piece trying to predict the next sequence of moves. With a look that Napoleon could only call resignation, Illya moved a _pawn to B5_ capturing one of Napoleon’s knights.  
  
Solo chose to remove his waistcoat, placing it on top of his folded jacket. He then moved his remaining _knight to F6_ which took one of Illya’s knights from the game.  
  
Illya pulled off his right shoe and tossed it to join his left. What followed was a quick back and forth, with chess pieces and clothing falling right and left.  
  
_Black pawn to F6,_ Napoleon pulled off his tie.  
  
_White queen to D8,_ putting Napoleon’s queen directly next to Illya’s king and taking Illya’s own queen. Illya cursed in Russian as he tugged his left sock off. It was never a good thing to lose one’s queen so early in the game, but he could come back.  
  
To protect his king Illya sent his remaining _knight to D8,_ causing Napoleon to lose his queen as well.  
  
 Napoleon realized his only chance in winning was riling up Illya, forcing him to make a mistake. So the next item of clothing he chose was his shirt. He unbuttoned it slowly with a smirk, obviously putting on a show.  
  
Illya tried not to stare but failed miserably and Napoleon pretended not to notice as Illya’s gaze roved over his bare chest. Napoleon’s well-tailored clothes had given Illya an inkling as to what lay beneath, but his imagination didn’t do Napoleon any justice. Just to have something to do, Illya took another sip of his drink as Napoleon folded his shirt and placed it on the growing pile.  
  
After a little thought Napoleon moved his _bishop to F6,_ taking yet another of Illya’s pawns. Illya removed his right sock.  
  
The next move _black rook to G8_ did not take any of Napoleon’s pieces. But Napoleon claimed another pawn when he moved his _white bishop to E5._  
  
Illya pulled off his shoulder holster, “This counts.” It was not a question.  
  
Napoleon put his hands up, “Fine by me, Peril.”  
  
They then had several uneventful moves. _Black knight to C6, white bishop to F4, black bishop to G7, white pawn to C3, black bishop to E6, white pawn to A3, black pawn to B4._ Napoleon could choose to take Illya’s pawn here but instead chose to move his _white bishop to D2._ Illya showed no hesitation in taking Napoleon’s pawn with his _black pawn to C3._  
  
Napoleon nudged off his right shoe as he moved his _white bishop to C3_ to take Illya’s attacking pawn.  
  
Illya roughly removed his bowtie.  
  
“It didn’t go with that outfit anyway.”  
  
Illya glared at Napoleon.  
  
_Black knight to D4, white rook to D1, black rook to D8._  
  
The game paused for a moment as Napoleon thought about his next move. The way Solo was stroking his bishop was just obscene. And he knew what he was doing to Illya. After stalling, Napoleon moved his _bishop to D4,_ taking Illya’s second knight.  
  
The game looked incredibly lopsided. Napoleon had only lost five pieces to Illya’s eight. The Russian would have to start gaining some ground, and soon, if he stood any chance of winning. Not having much choice, as far as clothes go, Illya took off his shirt popping some buttons as he did so.  
  
Napoleon had not seen Illya shirtless until this moment, he wasn’t even sure if Gaby had either. The man was a little hairier than he had expected and he couldn’t help but stare at the scars that covered Illya's now exposed skin. Napoleon was so distracted by the scars crisscrossing his skin that he missed Illya’s move. _Black bishop to D4._  
  
Illya cleared his throat, “I took your bishop, Cowboy.”  
  
Napoleon glanced down at the board, shrugged, and kicked off his left shoe. He still had a fair amount of clothing to lose.  
  
The pair had another decent rally. _White bishop to G2, black pawn to B6,_ Napoleon then did a move known as castling, a two piece move where his _rook moved to F1 and king to G1._ Illya countered with his _black king to E7. White pawn to B4, black pawn to B5, white bishop to C6, black bishop to H3, white rook to E1 and black bishop to C3._  
  
Once again, Illya was the first to sacrifice a piece as Napoleon moved his _rook to D8_ taking out one of Illya’s rooks.  
  
Napoleon looked expectantly at Illya. He didn’t have many options at this point. Rather anti-climatically, in Napoleon’s opinion, Illya unbuckled his belt, pulled through his belt loops and tossed it into his pile of clothes.  
  
One more move, Illya’s _rook to D8,_ and Napoleon lost his right sock.  
  
Next Napoleon moved his _rook to C1._ Illya tapped his finger against his knee as he thought about the next moves. _Black bishop to D2, white rook to D1, black bishop to D7,_ leaving his other bishop in immediate danger from Napoleon’s rook.  
  
The American seized the opportunity, _white rook to D2._ Napoleon grabbed his drink and leaned back in his chair to watch. Illya gritted his teeth. Oh, how he wanted to punch the shit eating grin off the other man’s face. He let out a string of colorful curse words as he got to his feet.  
  
“I certainly hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth.”  
  
Again Illya glared at Napoleon. He undid his trousers, fumbling with the zipper and button. There was a moment of hesitation but then he pulled them down in one quick motion, kicking them to the side as he stepped out.  
  
Napoleon nearly choked on his drink. Illya stood before him in nothing but his white briefs. The cotton fabric covered everything but there was no doubt Illya was big.The vespa ride had given Napoleon some idea what he was dealing with. They had to sit incredibly close, after all. But seeing, well… almost seeing, was another thing entirely.  
  
Illya sat down on the edge of his chair, elbows resting on his knees. His blue eyes attempting to bore a hole through the game board. He was determined to ignore Solo’s staring. Illya cursed again. The next couple of moves were pretty much inevitable. He placed a finger on his bishop, it had to be done if he had any chance of winning. _Black bishop to C6._  
  
This took Napoleon’s bishop out of commission, but left Illya’s remaining rook in a vulnerable spot. Napoleon could miss it. A flush began to creep up Illya’s neck and chest. Without much thought Napoleon tugged off his left sock as he examined the board. A wide grin spread across his face as he realized what was open for him to take.  
  
_Rook to D8,_ Napoleon knocked out Illya’s eleventh piece.  
  
Illya was surprised he had lost this many pieces. He ought to know by now not to underestimate Napoleon, the American always seemed to have tricks up his sleeves. Out of options, Illya sighed. He downed his drink before getting to his feet again. He thumbed the elastic in his waist band took a breath and-  
  
Napoleon held up a hand to stop him. “If you want, Peril, I would count your watch.”  
  
Illya glanced down at his watch and then back to Napoleon. He felt his hand tremble slightly at the mere suggestion. No. His father’s watch would not be part of this game. Napoleon knew what the watch meant to him. Why would he even make that offer?  
  
“нет.” Illya replied at last, and pulled down his underwear He tossed the briefs on top of his pile of clothes and took his seat, purposefully avoiding Napoleon’s gaze.  
  
If he had looked up he would have seen Solo’s mouth hanging open. Napoleon opened and closed his mouth several times to say something, but for once was speechless.  
  
_Black king to D8,_ Illya avenged the loss of his rook by taking Napoleon’s.

Napoleon removed his belt as Illya poured himself another drink. He still avoided looking up at Napoleon.  
  
With only twelve pieces left on the board a fair amount of space had opened up. Only Illya’s bishop could move more than one square so it was no surprise that it took a while for another piece to fall. They were simply too far away from each other.

 _White pawn to F3, black king to E7, white king to F2, black king to E6, white king to E3, black king to E5, white pawn to G4, black pawn to F5_ which put one of Illya’s pawns in danger. _White pawn to F5_ and Illya was down to only four pieces to Napoleon’s seven. Illya sighed.

“The offer still stands.”

“I said no, Cowboy.” Illya scowled, finally looking up at Napoleon.

“Well it seems we’re at an impasse then. Unless...”

Illya rolled his eyes. Napoleon clearly wanted him to ask. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

Napoleon continued on anyway, “I could accept a kiss as an alternate to a piece of clothing, which, I might add, you do not have.”

Illya’s eyes immediately went to Napoleon’s lips. He had to admit he’d thought about kissing Napoleon before. Evidently the man had figured this out. Not much got past Napoleon but Illya had thought he’d done a better job at hiding these feelings. Most particularly the jealousy that swept over him as Napoleon flirted with the pretty girls as part of their mission. Illya and Gaby had each other but he still felt as if something was missing.  
  
Taking a breath, Illya inched forward in his chair. He leaned over the chess board and Napoleon followed suit. The Russian had closed his eyes almost as soon as he started forward. Their lips met, tentatively. Illya surprised Napoleon by not immediately pulling away after the simple peck.  
  
Napoleon put a hand behind Illya’s head pulling him in closer, deepening the kiss. Despite his slight hesitation at first, Illya quickly matched Napoleon’s eagerness. He tried to get closer to Napoleon only to have his knees knock against the coffee table between them. At last Illya pulled away and Napoleon nipped at his lower lip.

Napoleon sat back in his chair with an overly smug look on his face. Illya brought his hand up to touch his lip where Napoleon had bitten him.

The room remained silent for quite a while until Napoleon cleared his throat. “It is your turn, you know,” as if nothing had happened.

Illya answered by moving his _king to F5._ This took out another one of Napoleon’s pawns.

Napoleon’s pants were unzipped before he stood up. He pulled them down, with none of the hesitation Illya had shown, revealing plain white boxers. His pants ended up neatly folded on his clothes pile.

“Now where were we?” Napoleon asked as he returned to his seat. With little deliberation he moved his _king to D4_.

Almost immediately Illya moved his _king to F4._ “Your last move just lost you the game.”

From D4 Napoleon’s king only had three possible moves that would not lead to an immediate check or check mate. Unwilling to accept defeat just yet, Napoleon sent his _king to C5_. This threatened Illya’s remaining bishop and one of his pawns.  
  
Illya moved his _bishop to E8_ , away from immediate danger. “You’re just delaying the inevitable.”

Napoleon moved his _king back to D4_ rather than take Illya’s pawn. With Illya’s bishop across the board he had a little more leeway from this position.

_Black pawn to H5, white king to D3, black bishop to G6._

“Check.” Illya said before taking a drink. He looked remarkably pleased with himself despite having lost so many pieces during the game.

Still unwilling to concede, Napoleon moved his _king to D2_ into relative safety.

_Black bishop to F7._

Napoleon raised an eyebrow, surprised Illya moved his bishop away from his king. He sized up Illya then moved his _king to D3_ again.

Illya had expected that move from Napoleon. He grinned as he sent his _bishop to C4_. This put Napoleon’s king in check, again. “Check. I am telling you, you cannot win. This game is over.”  
  
“I had a good run.” Napoleon knocked his king over. “You win this time. Or am I the winner since I am still wearing something?”

“You resigned, I am the winner.” Offhandedly Illya added, “We never decided what the winner gets.”

“We didn’t, did we? Well, I think we can come up with something,” Napoleon grinned wickedly as he rose from his chair. He slid the table out of the way, knelt before Illya, and pulled him into another kiss.

* * *

 

Notes:  
I _know_ I **_know…_** you want smut. You don’t want smut from me it would be bad. Use your imagination for how Napoleon rewarded Illya’s win.  
  
I know next to nothing about chess but….  
-The game they play is here, you can follow along move by move if you so wish: <http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=1024041> Napoleon is white (Dirk Daniel van Geet) and Illya is black (Yuri Balashov, I /had/ to go for a Russian with him)  
-Seeing as I used two chess masters Napoleon definitely played better than I think he would in canon.  
-Also I chose this particular game because I wanted 1. Napoleon to have first move 2. Illya to lose more pieces 3. Illya come from behind and win. (Though I’m pretty sure this game ends in resignation, technically, since neither of the kings fall. It would just be a perpetual back and forth until someone made a mistake. Like I said, I know nothing about chess.)  
-Also also, I ended the game a couple moves early because van Geet’s king was on the run the last couple of moves.  
  
As for underwear I figured utilitarian KGB man would just wear briefs. Napoleon, I could’ve sworn I saw plain white boxers in the suitcase at the beginning in the movie. The stuff in the suitcase was probably just random stuff for his cover but I don’t care, I wanted him in boxers.


End file.
